Walked out of the Sparling’s house in the middle of the night with a stack of books in my hand. It was dark and horrifying, I felt like I was going to be attacked or jumped or possessed, or anything like that. I had a bright blue Jeep Cherokee, not my Highlander. I put the stack of books underneath the drivers seat. One of them had to go on top of the backseat because it wouldn’t stack nicely. I felt like I shouldn’t have my bad turned to the outside for too long, shouldn’t breathe the outside air for too long. When I got in the car I locked it immediately and took off before even turning my headlights on or buckling up. Drove for a long time.

When it was light outside I passed by my dad’s best friend’s kid, Josie, who was playing outside. She was still really tiny like she had never grown up. She waived at me innocently. I felt a lamenting pain for her because I knew what life had in store for her if she ever wanted to leave. I always saw myself in her and always related to her within our family dynamics. Second daughter, too spunky, too spirited, too confrontational. I knew she could not be passive about everything forever. But I also knew she had to figure it out on her own at the end of the day. I kept driving.